Dreams that took a back seat

This blog post is meant to be a new beginning but I'm confused on how to begin. Today while contemplating over the good old times and memories, I realized that all my dearest dreams have taken a backseat. Actually I shouldn't call it a realization. It was always there in the less visited domain of my brain, only that I ran away from the fact for unknown reasons.

Since past 20 months, I am doing a job which I do not like-it's umpteen chochle irk me to the core. Why am I doing it then? For experience?No. Just because every body else is doing it? Probably yes. Why not change?Because every other IT company is the same and none other service/job lures me enough, yes not even UPSC. Nevertheless, I don't mind sitting in front of my laptop for 9 hours a day because anyhow it has made me independent -I can give gifts to my family and make them smile, I can buy myself tickets to home, few decent dresses and  a whole lot of books and save too. Also at one point of time it gave me happiness because I was among the selected few. And I won't leave it until and unless I get a better option which pays me few more bucks. What bothers me is that I have sidelined things that used to make me happy.

I never had those big dreams, neither was I that ambitious for my career- an Audi, being a manager in a fortune firm, a big bungalow or a pair of gold earrings never fascinated me. I had small little desires(I call them dreams)- like having a big library in my small home, like adopting a girl and raise her like my very own child, like travelling to places and click pictures ,like being a teacher to a needy kid, like working for a non-profit organization in the weekends, like pouring down my creativity on paper, like reading all the awesome literature ever-written, like writing and writing more and writing till my last breath. And it saddens me that I am doing none of the above. Is it because I'm too busy with my professional life?Naah. One can always take out some time from her busy schedule to do the things she enjoys doing. But I didn't. I don't. Why? I don't know. Probably because I kill time by thinking instead of doing and there lies the fault.

But better late than never. It has dawned on me that whatever be the phase of life you're going through, whatever family support you enjoy,whatsoever number of friends you have and in whatever way you are earning, you should never stop doing things that give you the greatest pleasure. Those little moments of happiness should always be lived. The wisdom I develop when I think and write, the tears I secretly shed when I read an emotional paragraph and the smile I acquire when I create a new handmade card define the life that is just mine,the moments I live just for myself and they give me immense satisfaction.

I have to start somewhere because not doing has started to pinch deep. Now is the time to wipe off dust from those old unread books, to re-fill the ink in my long forgotten pen, to smell those familiar pages of my diary , to stop being lazy always and to shop for some stuff to give wings to my imagination.

As far as career is concerned, I am not at all concerned about it. I am decently independent ,so no worries.I know I am going to be an entrepreneur at 40(not a technology one for sure and that again is a dream). I kind of know I wont die before 80;so it ain't a bad age to start.I'm in no hurry to earn 25 lac at 25. :-)

Time to stop procrastinating and drive from the front seat!

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